Does anyone need a nurse?

Squeezing a phone sex practice session in during the wee small hours of yesterday morning my research partner made a suggestion. The scenario he had in mind was for me to pretend to be a very young, very innocent, very inexperienced trainee nurse. A bit of a school girl fantasy with a stethoscope thrown in for good measure. However, I am a game girl so I was happy to play along and see what would happen.

It devolved into hilarity fairly quickly. I was staying in character, I simply asked if he had a sore bot bot and would I be being a  good nurse if I rubbed some cream in? Now in my head someone innocent would refer to the arse as a bot bot because it is child like, as he said, fucking right its child like, like a five year old child, this wasn't where I wanted to take this thank you very much! 

Still, laughter aside, he explained very gently to this young naive trainee nurse exactly what she should do to herself and to him, that she should think of what was between her legs as a playbox, that it should be teased and rubbed, made so hot and wet that it is dripping and that he, of course, should watch. All good. Everything was going quite smoothly with a very relaxed vibe, the nurse had magiced some toys by this point and was fucking herself hard as instructed. Like I said it was all going smoothly until he turned round to my character and said ' 'I am enjoying hearing you playing with your box but its time to tell you its proper name, its a CUNT!' I really hope I am explaining this properly and nothing is being lost in translation because I swear to God it was as funny as fuck. All in all I am not sure how erotic the whole experience was but if it is possible to laugh yourself to orgasm thats what we did last night. In fact Ive been chuckling about the whole thing all day, so much so that when Dad popped down to see me he did ask 'What's tickled you?' What could I say? Well Dad...

This brings me to my next point, why my dad came to visit. We don't live in the same town anymore so I only really see him every couple of months. Still, thanks to O2 Unlimited we can chat on the phone as much as we like so its not all bad. Anyway the reason he treked to see me is because he needed to lend a few quid, no bother, at the end of the day, if United Utilities get paid late this month I think I can live with it. Indeed I'll look forward to the nice reminder letter they send out if you are half a second late paying. 

However it would have been much quicker and easier had my brother, you know the one who has found God, if he had just handed some cash over. We all know for a fact he has money simply because he never spends any. I swear to God when he takes a £10 note out of his mothball infested wallet the Queens head reaches for sunglasses. Going to the pub with him is a hoot, for some reason that no one can fathom it never seems to be his round. 

A little incensed that he had refused to help my dad I rang my Brother up, we chatted for a while and I did mention to him that the bible does talk about storing up your treasures in heaven and not in fact on Earth. I might have also said that if i am ever on fire, remind me not to ask you to piss on me.

And this, my friends, is my problem with God botherers. I am not talking about the people who have faith and quietly go about doing good work like helping the homeless and taking care of the elderly, people like that should be admired. In fact people like that should be taken to an island somewhere and asked to breed like rabbits so the world is a nicer place.What I am talking about is happy clapper, flag waving, speaking in tongues, want to baptise you in the nearest school swimming pool born again bastards who are so very filled with the holy spirit that there is clearly fuck all room left for any humanity.

Anyway I don't know what went wrong with my brother, when we were kids if you didn't share your sweets willingly you were made to. And by made to I mean the sweets were taken off you and you had to watch everyone else eat them. As my dad use to say with a smile and a wink, that will teach you. And still to this day I can't get my head round people who don't and won't share, people who constantly say 'thats mine.' I don't understand why people will willingly share their beds with whatever partner, do all kinds of weird and wonderful things sexually but if their partner wants to borrow their ipod, well, frankly, its just a step too far.

Listen to this song and hopefully you'll be laughing along with me.